For most of us, technology is a great way to do more, learn more, have more. But the casual and oft-times impersonal nature of this kind of communication has its drawbacks—including stymieing our opportunity to develop meaningful relationships.
Back in the day (choose any decade prior to this one), we typically spent some portion of every day meeting with, talking to or working alongside bosses, coworkers, family or friends. Now, telecommuting, technology and too-full calendars mean that days, weeks or even months can go by with nary a non-text conversation.
So what does this mean?
Everything.
With no “face time” (that is, actually looking at and conversing with real, live people), you can quickly become average—or worse, invisible.
Seth Godin, marketing guru and author of Purple Cow: Transform Your Business by Being Remarkable, says that for businesses wanting to stand out from the crowd they must be remarkable. The same could be said of you.
photo credit: Donna_Rutherford
Godin writes, “Cows, after you’ve seen them for a while, are boring. They may be well-bred cows, Six Sigma cows, cows lit by a beautiful light, but they are still boring. A purple cow, though: now, that would really stand out. The essence of the purple cow—the reason it would shine among a crowd of perfectly competent, even undeniably excellent cows—is that it would be remarkable. Something remarkable is worth talking about, worth paying attention to. Boring stuff quickly becomes invisible. The world is full of boring stuff—brown cows—which is why so few people pay attention.”
So which are you … boring or remarkable?
Here are 15 things you can do to become a communication master and trade your “I’m-like-everyone-else-so-I’m-invisible” brown suit for a “watch-out-world-I’m-a-one-of-a-kind” purple one.
- Choose face-to-face communication. Not only does this make you more approachable and more memorable, it helps alleviate misunderstandings and miscommunication.
- Put email its proper place. Relegate email to confirmation of information, deadlines, meetings, etc. or as a follow-up mechanism.
- Perfect your punctuation. Give yourself instant credibility when you use proper spelling, punctuation and grammar no matter what the medium.
- Listen well. Always remember why you’re listening to someone else. Probably because you need or want to learn or understand something or someone. So pay attention.
- Make and maintain eye contact. Making eye contact is said to help others feel understood. Remember, when your eyes are engaged, your ears are, too.
- Show attentiveness. Lean into the person who’s talking to you to show that you’re interested, not distracted.
- Focus your attention. If you find your mind wandering, bring your focus back by repeating to yourself what the other person is saying.
- Be patient. Remember that it’s faster to listen than to speak.
- Pause. Give a full three-second count before you even think about speaking. (Sometimes the other person is merely pausing.) By waiting at least three full seconds, you give the other a person a chance to continue.
- Show respect. Demonstrate that you think the other person’s time and what they have to say is important.
- Be courteous. When making a phone call, always identify yourself and the reason for your call. And always ask if it’s a good time for the other person to talk.
- Smile! Flash those pearly whites in person, walking down the street and especially on the phone. People respond favorably to a smiling face. If you have to, keep a mirror by the phone to help you remember to smile during phone calls.
- Moderate yourself. Monitor the tone and volume of your voice. Speak clearly, slowly and at a normal volume. If this doesn’t come naturally, practice, practice, practice.
- Engage in only one conversation at a time. That means no multitasking! Put everything on hold while you’re talking with someone else. Even on the phone, people can sense when you’re engaged in things other than talking to them.
- Let the other person speak. Pause to give others time to get their thoughts together or to ask for clarification.
Sound simple enough? Great! Then practice doing all of these things consistently day-in and day-out. If not, then choose one or two to add to your repertoire each week or month until all 15 come naturally to you.
