Religion and politics.

They’re said to be the two topics to avoid when talking to others, especially people you don’t know very well.

Why?

Because those topics tend to evoke very strong, highly emotional responses.

Bad for parties and peace rallies, good for getting a conversation going.

Now, I’m not saying that you should include religion and politics on your web site, in your signature speech or throughout your marcom materials (unless that’s your business or life’s work).

No, the takeaway for communicators, writers, creative professionals and entrepreneurs like you is this:

Understand your audience’s emotional triggers so you can position yourself/your business to connect with them on an experiential level.

And that can make the difference in whether they choose you or your competitor.

So, how do you do it?

First, stop making assumptions about your audience. Get to know them on a real and personal level. Spend time with them. Ask open-ended questions and not only listen to what they say, but watch what they do.

Second, become real to them through storytelling. Some years ago I sat in on a United Way presentation at the company I worked for. It was a mandatory meeting and I had already made up my mind that I was not going to be coerced into donating any money. But during the presentation, the speaker invited a lovely young woman up to the podium. She shared a remarkable and heartfelt story of her traumatic brain injury and subsequent recovery thanks to the help of a United Way Agency.

It was impossible not to connect with her, feel her pain, understand her gratitude, and support her cause – all because she shared her story in a real and compelling way.

While your story may not be as dramatic, it can be every bit as personal. Stop limiting yourself to the all-business, all-facts copy that others default to.

Third, and finally, choose your words carefully. Pick words and create phrases that evoke feelings, while creating enthusiasm, energy, urgency or understanding. Use more descriptive, though not uncommon, words. For example, instead of saying “no maintenance,” try using the words “worry free” instead. See how the first choice is more factual while the second is more emotional?

By getting at — and responding to — your audience’s underlying values, needs, beliefs, feelings and experiences, you can help shape the way they feel about you/your business.

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HABIT 6: SYNERGIZE
Covey calls this the habit of “creative cooperation,” meaning that together, two or more people can create something far better than any individual alone could possibly create. Rarely, however, do people think about “teamwork” in the context of effective communication. Why? Because generally they’re focused on themselves. Who they are. What they have to say. Why they’re important. But the opposite couldn’t be more true. In the case of effective communication, the way to generate creative cooperation is to promote, encourage and create dialogue. Then in that dialogue a really cool dynamic occurs … a message is sent, received AND understood.

How to incorporate it:
Always engage another person in your communication effort, whether it’s an editor, proofreader, colleague or customer. Involve at least one other person in writing the copy, preparing the speech or developing the script. My work portfolio is rife with really good – yet really collaborative – work. Yes, I write well. It’s my job and I take pride in doing great work. But my work is always, always made better through the addition of another perspective. I have creative teams, clients and even family members to thank for adding a new dimension to my writing. Don’t believe me? Pick up any book, fiction or nonfiction, and read the acknowledgements. It takes a team to be a best-selling author.

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HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD
This habit is a biggie for those of us communicating to the masses — to the ofttimes nameless and faceless people we call our audience. It’s especially easy for us to do what Covey says most people do and that’s “listen with the intent to reply, not to understand.” But even though we usually cannot physically hear our audience, effective communicators must find ways to truly understand the meaning of what their audience would say if they could say it.

How to incorporate it:
First, make a conscious effort to set aside preconceived notions. Whether you’re speaking in front of a group, making a pitch to a new client or writing copy for your web site, do not assume you know everything your audience is thinking, feeling or doing. Of course you’ll want to anticipate the types of things they’d want to know, but don’t be so arrogant as to say things like “I know you’re thinking that …” You don’t know. Not for sure, anyway. So don’t say it.

Second, find a way to tap into your audience’s dialogue. Are they blogging, tweeting or putting up videos on YouTube? Can you read the emails they send customer service or listen in on phone calls with the sales team? What about reading comment cards, studying surveys and observing focus groups? Any means by which you can simply observe your audience will help you understand them.

Lastly, remember that this habit is about listening. (Really listening, not fake listening until you can say what you want to say.) Look at things from the audience’s vantage point and step back and wait. Digest the information you’re given. Don’t make judgments, ask questions, give advice or interpret the other person’s motives. Just take what you learn at face value before opening up the dialogue.

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HABIT 4: THINK WIN-WIN
Covey says win-win is “a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit.” In the case of effective communication, that means keeping the other person in mind. Note that the habit says speak to the mutual benefit. That’s what writers call the “what” and the “so what.” What do you want to say? And so what does it mean to your audience?

How to incorporate it:
Communicating your point fearlessly but with consideration takes practice. Find someone you admire who does it well and become a student of their communication habits. Also, always put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Take a moment to consider an alternate angle, an unarticulated need or an opposing viewpoint. Make a list of win-win words and phrases that are mutually respectful. If you look closely you’ll see that I use words like “many” and “some” instead of “all” or “none.” Sometimes it just takes softening the tone, swapping exclusive words for inclusive ones, or leading with a more benefit-driven message.

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