Four years ago this July, I left my job at Resource Interactive, launched my business, and welcomed two adorable kittens into my life.

They’re no Sockington, but my two fur babies, Bailey and Avery, bring me daily doses of love, joy and delight.

Avery likes to stand on her head and be petted (but never held) and Bailey is what we affectionately refer to as a lap whore because she jumps into our laps even when we’re standing up. (Yeowch! Those back claws are killer.)

And every day of every year for the past four years, one or the other of them drags a certain toy we call their “baby” through the house, meowing and yowling along the way.

This baby is (I should say was) a white, feathery puff that I once used to dust on sparkly body powder. They confiscated it from me, claimed it as their own, and now drag it through the house with said howling in order to “gift” it to us as a presumed token of their affection.

I wash it. I sew it. I repair it. But over the years it’s gone from intact to unraveled and now thread-bare. But they love it; and so we hang onto it though its natural life ended long, long ago.

The baby, which today is literally hanging on by its last thread, made me wonder: What do we hang onto that’s comfortable, yet tattered and worn? What are we afraid to let go of?

In writing and communications, it’s often what we call “the little darlings,” the words and phrases and stories that we love and try to force-fit into our prose, often to its detriment. In life, it can be relationships, habits, jobs or shouldas/wouldas/couldas.

Perhaps today is the day to let go of something we’ve been hanging onto. What will you let go of?

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HABIT 6: SYNERGIZE
Covey calls this the habit of “creative cooperation,” meaning that together, two or more people can create something far better than any individual alone could possibly create. Rarely, however, do people think about “teamwork” in the context of effective communication. Why? Because generally they’re focused on themselves. Who they are. What they have to say. Why they’re important. But the opposite couldn’t be more true. In the case of effective communication, the way to generate creative cooperation is to promote, encourage and create dialogue. Then in that dialogue a really cool dynamic occurs … a message is sent, received AND understood.

How to incorporate it:
Always engage another person in your communication effort, whether it’s an editor, proofreader, colleague or customer. Involve at least one other person in writing the copy, preparing the speech or developing the script. My work portfolio is rife with really good – yet really collaborative – work. Yes, I write well. It’s my job and I take pride in doing great work. But my work is always, always made better through the addition of another perspective. I have creative teams, clients and even family members to thank for adding a new dimension to my writing. Don’t believe me? Pick up any book, fiction or nonfiction, and read the acknowledgements. It takes a team to be a best-selling author.

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HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD
This habit is a biggie for those of us communicating to the masses — to the ofttimes nameless and faceless people we call our audience. It’s especially easy for us to do what Covey says most people do and that’s “listen with the intent to reply, not to understand.” But even though we usually cannot physically hear our audience, effective communicators must find ways to truly understand the meaning of what their audience would say if they could say it.

How to incorporate it:
First, make a conscious effort to set aside preconceived notions. Whether you’re speaking in front of a group, making a pitch to a new client or writing copy for your web site, do not assume you know everything your audience is thinking, feeling or doing. Of course you’ll want to anticipate the types of things they’d want to know, but don’t be so arrogant as to say things like “I know you’re thinking that …” You don’t know. Not for sure, anyway. So don’t say it.

Second, find a way to tap into your audience’s dialogue. Are they blogging, tweeting or putting up videos on YouTube? Can you read the emails they send customer service or listen in on phone calls with the sales team? What about reading comment cards, studying surveys and observing focus groups? Any means by which you can simply observe your audience will help you understand them.

Lastly, remember that this habit is about listening. (Really listening, not fake listening until you can say what you want to say.) Look at things from the audience’s vantage point and step back and wait. Digest the information you’re given. Don’t make judgments, ask questions, give advice or interpret the other person’s motives. Just take what you learn at face value before opening up the dialogue.

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HABIT 4: THINK WIN-WIN
Covey says win-win is “a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit.” In the case of effective communication, that means keeping the other person in mind. Note that the habit says speak to the mutual benefit. That’s what writers call the “what” and the “so what.” What do you want to say? And so what does it mean to your audience?

How to incorporate it:
Communicating your point fearlessly but with consideration takes practice. Find someone you admire who does it well and become a student of their communication habits. Also, always put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Take a moment to consider an alternate angle, an unarticulated need or an opposing viewpoint. Make a list of win-win words and phrases that are mutually respectful. If you look closely you’ll see that I use words like “many” and “some” instead of “all” or “none.” Sometimes it just takes softening the tone, swapping exclusive words for inclusive ones, or leading with a more benefit-driven message.

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